VALENTINES

what a treat it was to spend valentines with my favorite people. niko was so excited to get so many valentines from his friends at school and shared his treats with luna and i. raoul and i didn't plan a big day but it turned out to be pretty perfect. we headed out to his parents pretty early. went over to the grocery store and bought everything i needed to cook for my in-laws. i made them chicken mole, mexican rice and beans, with homemade horchata. its not often that i cook for them so they just relaxed and i think they actually enjoyed the food. raoul and i later escaped for a bit, we went to moca, then had dinner at el cholo and then did a little bit of record shopping at amoeba. its not too often that raoul and i get to go on dates, alone. we certainly do enjoy our time together though. we made each other laugh the whole night. my date also impressed me with his photography skills. he grabbed my slr and snapped a couple of amazing shots, who knew?

MOM LIFE

i am a stay at home mom, for now. and while i do feel grateful i get to be with my children during their first years, i also struggle with parenting. i feel like this is normal and we all second guess ourselves during the tough moments. for us, most days are roller coasters. there are usually a couple small temper tantrums and lots of hugs and i love yous in between to keep me going. what i do need help with is disciplining when they are being rude or disrespectful. i feel like it will eventually fade away but for the time being, its hard not to reprimand my kid. i am mainly talking about my boy, luna is starting to have her moments here and there but she is mostly mellow and independent. don't get me wrong, niko is a really sweet boy. niko loves to tell us that he loves us and gives hugs daily. he watches out for his little sister and has a very funny imagination. when niko gets irritated or doesn't get his way, he usually screams out gibberish or says stop it mama, to get negative attention. sounds silly but i can't get this boy out of this habit. and also to get him on a healthy eating habit. boy are these kids picky eaters. sometimes when i have been alone with the kids for weeks at a time i feel like my head is going to explode. i want to have more of a balanced life and that is one thing i have struggled with for four years now. our family isn't like most families, and i love that about us. raoul and i  had a similar lifestyle before we moved in together and as a family i think we understand each others needs and we try to help each other through our tough moments. raoul is kind of a workaholic, he makes his own bookings and if he's not dealing with that, he's making music. that leaves me and the kids together most of the day. i crave going on dates with my love, i want two hours alone with him to get out of the house and not have to deal with who wants something to drink. we haven't gone on a date in a very long time. i feel we need it. don't marriages need this? uh yes. yes we do.
and even as i type, i feel selfish and guilty admitting it. i know these children are my responsibility and i try to be a good mother. some days i don't try hard enough. but i am learning. some days i wish i had a job, some days i wish i was rich so i could afford a nanny but most days i am enjoying motherhood. i hope once we move good changes are made. i hate complaining and i feel like i am right now. life really isn't that bad, i am just venting and tired. i'm gonna hit the wine now. peace.

A MOMENT OF TRUTH

i haven't been able to blog in maybe over two months? blogging is something i really enjoy doing and for these two months of chaos i have been thinking about it every day. i feel like the blogging world has brought me a sense of community with the lovely people i have met through the world wide web. i am very grateful for this outlet and since i like to be as open as possible i feel obligated to share the reason for my absence.
well if my laptop wouldn't have broken down on me in mexico i would have probably blogged a long time ago but while we were in mexico our whole world turned upside down. our family has never been through a tougher situation than this and at this point i am so very grateful its all over.
while we were in mexico niko got extremely sick after the third day of being there, he was vomiting nonstop and had a high fever at night. the next morning we took him to the doctor and then headed to walmart for his prescriptions. while we were at walmart we bought food, diapers and a cheap stroller since we had forgotten ours back in  san diego. it is not often that my kids get sick and the last time that niko had gotten sick was about two years ago around the time luna was born. niko wasn't speaking and just kept dozing off and had a blank look on his face so obviously i was stressed and already contemplating our return back to the u.s.
once we were going to be rung up i payed for everything except the stroller we were about to buy because raoul was pushing niko in it. i totally forgot about the stroller as i was just dealing with luna in the cart. i payed and while we were two registers away, still in the store, a walmart employee stopped us to ask for a receipt. at that time i realized i hadn't payed for the stroller and apologized and asked to pay. they called the cops and accused us with theft. and took raoul to the police department as he was the one pushing the stroller. we tried to argue with them but they are so corrupt and already have an arrangement going on to split the bail money between everybody involved. mind you this stroller cost about fifteen dollars. they took raoul to the police department and kept him over night. the next day our friends took the two thousand dollars they asked for to release him. instead of releasing him they took him over to an immigration department because he was a u.s. citizen. we thought this was going to be the end of our problem but it was only the beginning. immigration kept raoul for a whole month because he didn't have a tourist visa. a permit we were not aware we needed. during this time luna got extremely sick... we spoke to people daily trying to figure out a way to get our man back. it was such an unfair and unnecessary thing to go through but its the way things happen down there. in that immigration many people from all over the world end up there for different reasons and raoul has many memories of each person he met there.
that whole month that raoul was in there was extremely stressful for me, his family and friends. it was so bad that i will forever be grateful to the people that stood by us along the way. and the people who i expected to be there and weren't... well, i kinda wanna keep them away. some nights i thought about selling everything and going to live with family. other days i was hopeful that he would come home that night. because for a whole month we didn't know how long this ordeal would last. i had been hearing of people being there for only two weeks and some would be in immigration for six years. yeah, YEARS. it's been a month since the mister is back and we are slowly catching up on life. bills and such... along the way i lost my pets. if you knew me personally, you'd know i had a love-hate relationship with our pup Lucky. he was lovable and sweet with the kids, that boy just wanted to be cuddled. but on the other hand he would find a way to escape daily and would try to roam the streets for about twenty minutes, daily! and his complaining would annoy me so much. but at the end of the day he was our pup and i couldn't bring myself to give him away as much as he annoyed me some days. Lucky ran away over a month ago and i wasn't able to find him at the long beach animal shelter and my bunny Diva died in her cage. i feel responsible for both of them and sad that they were also affected by our family troubles.
during that time i also felt relieved that there was two things less to worry about. i know its mean but its the truth. with no money for the necessities i couldn't afford two pets.

so here i am now after all this mess. i feel grateful. i feel cheated. but i also feel human. i don't wish this on anybody but really, things like this happen to people. maybe not exactly in the same order but the heartaches are similar and the strength, love and wisdom gained is also similar. it's a really sad thing to say i could never return to mexico city, i love that place so much. there is so much culture and beautiful experiences to be had there. i love the people so much, so much that it outweighs my hate for their government. i am not a very political outspoken person but in reality i don't believe in my own government very much either. to think that a group of older wealthy men care about regular people like me would be naive and immature. i know that much about politics.

i am trying to get our life back to the  way it used to be before our trip to mexico city. and blogging was a big part of that i think. i feel like now we have a clean slate to work on as a family. and things really are getting better slowly. i just had to post this so i can move on and start from where i left off and not be a big elephant in the room or in this case in my corner of the internet.

again thank you so much to everyone who prayed for us during our difficult time. thank you to the ones who donated and lend us money. without that, i wouldn't have been able to pay rent, buy food and diapers... and even be without electricity. it was like that and worse piling up with our flea infestation after Lucky was left alone in the house for two weeks. the flea problem almost sent me to the nut house. and after all this time i can proudly say, we don't have any more fleas. its gross i know, but i never had to deal with this. fleas are super hard to get rid of at the point it was when i was back from mexico. it was out of control.

lately i have been only keeping up with my instagram. i haven't been checking my emails regularly or facebook.. or even pinterest which i love so much. i have been trying to get out of the house more and meet up with cool mamas in the orange county- los angeles area. beside the love i have for people online i want real life friendships, and also the same for my kids. i want them to learn from different kids, to play and have fun. i want to be a better person as i have learned how generous people can be. during this time i really have learned the meaning of friendship and giving. not just money wise but time and understanding.

thank you to the few people that read this blog too. i have received nothing but love and encouragement from you. and some spam but that's okay. i love you all.

photo taken the last weekend we were in mexico, strolling around looking at amazing vintage stands at a flea market. colonia roma & la condeza are two awesome neighborhoods in mexico city, filled with art, artist, fashion, music, delicious restaurants and there is a strong energy similar to new york city. i almost broke my back baby wearing my two year old and almost lost my mind dealing with tantrums with my three year old but those are things to laugh about now. beside that we got to spend some nice time in the city with our beautiful friends. i did feel guilty enjoying some time in the city but i felt it wasn't fair to the kids to just be at home. the kids were well at this point and they needed good memories from this trip. so out we went. 

INTRODUCING "DIVA" THE BUNNY

this one goes down along with the impulsive purchase category. i completely forgot i had a dog at home when i saw this little one... & i had a rabbit when niko was six months old and was traumatized with owning a bunny but here we are again with a bunny at home. the kids are crazy over her and niko even calls her his "sweetheart". today he also started calling my girlfriend sweetheart and its so cute. i think he has a crush. lucky has been really good with her surprisingly, he sniffs, licks and that's it. yesterday i let the bunny run around in our yard and it was a big mistake. she ran away from me and got out to the sidewalk. lucky chased her too which made it worse. luckily she stood still by the fence long enough for me to catch her. im gonna need lots of luck learning how to properly deal with a rabbit as this is my first time committing to a rabbit. we had some growing up but i wasn't responsible for them so i don't remember. i know these fuzzy things poop way too much and can stink up a place in no time. i just gotta figure out a routine that works for me.
so far Diva has been a good girl & today she was showing lucky her jumping skills. she was playing with him and it was the cutest thing! she put on a little show & i loved watching her come out of her shell. isn't she the cutest?!

SO THEN WE MOVED TO LONG BEACH

we moved to long beach last week and every day has been so busy with unpacking and organizing. i have a huge list of things to do in our new house so im  feeling a bit overwhelmed. i have to remind myself to have patience and tackle each thing at a time but i just want to be done. on my list is: painting, planting, furniture shopping, and lots of yard work. today i planted some succulents that were given to me this past weekend and i think they will make our porch look really cute, succulents are so cool! i should take photos tomorrow so i can do a before and after comparison when im done! be back soon, have a great week! XO Liz 

LIFE WITHOUT A PACIFIER

yesterday we took the kids to their first dentist appointment and it was pretty much a nightmare. i mean, it could of been worse but niko was scared and crying and it made me want to just get up and leave. for a couple seconds i wanted to cry too, i hate to see my son scared. we tried talking to him and giving him hugs but the dentist was actually a scary guy so i don't blame him. luna didn't really open her mouth so all they did was put some fluoride tooth paste on her teeth but forcefully. i talked to the dentist assistant and she could tell that luna used the pacifier because of her buck teeth but she doesn't really use the pacifier. not as much as niko. well she told me to just wean them from the pacifier because it could really ruin their teeth. not like its news to me, and i have been wanting to get rid of the pacifiers but didn't have the courage. since raoul went to l.a. last night for his weekly and his new radio show (which started yesterday!) i decided to just completely take it away. there's no going back. the pacifiers are a thing of the past and we need to move forward. i am mentally prepared to deal with the crying and yesterday there wasn't any tears, just a whole lot of begging. this morning he got a little aggressive while asking for his "TEE" thats the name niko gave his pacifer. all i do is repeat that its gone, there's no more pacifier, its not good for you, its in the trash, the doctor said you can't have it anymore, you don't need it, etc. so far its been one night, but i am so proud of niko and i. pacifiers have been in our life since he was born but life needs to go on without them. have a great weekend my loves, xo. 

TRYING TO KEEP UP...

its been almost a week since i have been able to post anything and when i dont blog, i miss it. but life gets hectic when you have kiddos at home. this week we got rid of lunas crib and got her a toddler bed like niko. she is only eighteen months but she just wasn't digging her crib anymore and was furious every time we put her down in her crib. she liked nikos bed or mama and papa's bed so now she has her own. we also set up the book shelves and organized a lot more in the kiddo room. its been a work in progress for say, two years. yesterday i got a new camera and need to learn how to use that thing. maybe i should take a photography class? i ended up getting this one. another huge milestone next to luna's new bed... niko and i went to see a preschool for him and i think we found a good one! we'll see if they'll have availability in septermber. some scary stuff happening over here. also today is the last chance to enter the shutterfly giveaway. if you want to win a photo book of your own just comment here and let me know you want it! have a happy thursday! xo 

mommy and baby playground fun while niko's at his grandma's house. 

outside kmart where i bought my camera.

the kiddos at the swap meet. we didn't buy any of this.