Friday, September 7, 2012

MOM LIFE

i am a stay at home mom, for now. and while i do feel grateful i get to be with my children during their first years, i also struggle with parenting. i feel like this is normal and we all second guess ourselves during the tough moments. for us, most days are roller coasters. there are usually a couple small temper tantrums and lots of hugs and i love yous in between to keep me going. what i do need help with is disciplining when they are being rude or disrespectful. i feel like it will eventually fade away but for the time being, its hard not to reprimand my kid. i am mainly talking about my boy, luna is starting to have her moments here and there but she is mostly mellow and independent. don't get me wrong, niko is a really sweet boy. niko loves to tell us that he loves us and gives hugs daily. he watches out for his little sister and has a very funny imagination. when niko gets irritated or doesn't get his way, he usually screams out gibberish or says stop it mama, to get negative attention. sounds silly but i can't get this boy out of this habit. and also to get him on a healthy eating habit. boy are these kids picky eaters. sometimes when i have been alone with the kids for weeks at a time i feel like my head is going to explode. i want to have more of a balanced life and that is one thing i have struggled with for four years now. our family isn't like most families, and i love that about us. raoul and i  had a similar lifestyle before we moved in together and as a family i think we understand each others needs and we try to help each other through our tough moments. raoul is kind of a workaholic, he makes his own bookings and if he's not dealing with that, he's making music. that leaves me and the kids together most of the day. i crave going on dates with my love, i want two hours alone with him to get out of the house and not have to deal with who wants something to drink. we haven't gone on a date in a very long time. i feel we need it. don't marriages need this? uh yes. yes we do.
and even as i type, i feel selfish and guilty admitting it. i know these children are my responsibility and i try to be a good mother. some days i don't try hard enough. but i am learning. some days i wish i had a job, some days i wish i was rich so i could afford a nanny but most days i am enjoying motherhood. i hope once we move good changes are made. i hate complaining and i feel like i am right now. life really isn't that bad, i am just venting and tired. i'm gonna hit the wine now. peace.


6 comments:

Yoly said...

You are not alone!!! And I only have one child, so why should I complain, right? It's hard when you dedicate 24/7 to them and can't get 20 min in the shower without a knock on the door. But at the end of the day, when she is in bed looking like an angel, I ask myself one thing, did she have a good day with me? most of the time it's a.. yes, but I'm also okay when it's a.. no. I'm only human and so are you, Liz. Hugs :)

Tiffany said...

I could repeat exactly what you have written above. I feel you 100%. Like Yoly said its the small sweet moments in between that seem to make it okay....most days. I also long for time with my Mr. and feel like we need it. To reconnect...it's important!!! I hope u have someone that you can leave the kids with from time to time and seriously take up an offer for babysitting if it ever comes!

GreenBean said...

You're an intelligent human being. The life that we lead as stay at home moms, is not 100% fulfilling and that is perfectly normal.

We love our children, and we love our husbands and our family. We owe them our best, yes. But, to think our lives are completely fulfilled by them alone? It's naive.

We need more then just taking care of others and cleaning. We need to be challenged in life, not just motherhood. We need to keep learning and growing.

So my friend, you are NORMAL. Your womanly and human needs, are normal to have. So make sure you make room for them. Because if you don't find a way to get a brake now, you will never get it....until they're about 18? lol!

Marcela said...

I feel you...we all have these days...you are not alone...


::xishell:: said...

I can relate! I'm coming to terms with it more and more, that not every moment is going to be magical and that's ok. Its hard work to keep another human being alive, healthy, active, and learning and still feel like a human being yourself. I like to think the fact that we can admit and recognize when we're having a low point is good. It means we're aware. I'd be more afraid of not noticing when it isn't so great, you know?

jeands said...

you are not alone and reading this post made me realise I'm not alone too.

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