MIAMI & MOMMY GUILT

boy was i procrastinating writing this post. this weekend was wmc in miam, wmc stands for winter music conference. a time of the year which for decades has been the hot spot for the biggest electronic music parties. record labels showcase their artist & music lovers go and dance their butts off. for a very long time i wanted to go but never had the chance or really never got my shit together in time to go to miami while i was single. it was until i had given birth to luna that the opportunity came & till this day i am kind of in shock that i went. because when i went to miami, luna had been only about seven weeks old. i guess once i start to think back to those days i do justify leaving my seven week old baby with my mom & three sisters for three days. we all know, we can't turn back time, but if i could i probably would. just a day after luna was born her papa had to leave for a couple days, only to come back & leave for over a month on a east coast tour. those were the toughest days i have ever lived. having a newborn & a 21month old alone in a second floor apartment during shitty weather was the worst. niko was jealous & hit luna a couple times, he & i got very sick, i wasn't able to breastfeed comfortably while niko was sick & i was so overwhelmed, tired & frustrated. i felt guilty for not being able to breastfeed because of my stress & there were so many days during that period of time where i just wanted to fast forward time. i wanted raoul to be back home so he could help me out, & i wanted luna to be bigger so she could walk like niko. i had to carry both of them up two flights of stairs each time i wanted to go anywhere. & i didn't have a washer & dryer in my apartment. life wasn't very easy. well, i got through it alive & when raoul was back home, he would only be back for a short while and then leave to europe again. i had the opportunity to go to miami with the mister since he was playing a couple shows & some of my best friends would be there too. the people in charge of my kids would be my mom & three sister and i would be able to spend some relaxing time with the mister. at the time i did want to get the hell out of there, i was constantly crying & stressed out. i had the time of my life in miami! i danced with my best friends & spent time with my love by the beach, drinking, talking and holding hands. we got to meet kelis & rye rye, who we still keep in touch with. in the videos below you can get a sense of the fun we had at one of the shows. i still feel robbed of the newborn stage with luna, i didn't get to enjoy her first days-weeks like a mama should. so my stressed out self went to miami & it was just what i needed during that time.
but on my way back home i felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt that has stuck with me ever since. sure, my daughter doesn't remember & its not like i was breast feeding so she was fine. but as a mom i feel i should always suck it up, as hard as times get. even as i type now it is hard to swallow. & who knows if i would really do anything differently after all, i'm just glad i didn't go crazy or get depressed. right now it's two a.m., i have luna in my bed & niko laying on top of me since he woke up a couple minutes ago. i would not change one thing in my life now, i am blessed & so grateful for what i have. that said, i could use a vacation! with or without the kids. we haven't traveled in a while & i am just so ready for a new scenery. but this year my best friends went to miami for the first time & i was so happy to see photos they posted on facebook. i told the mister jokingly (hoping he would take it seriously) put me on a plane right now to miami!! maybe next year. a mama could only dream of music, beach time & delicious slushy chocolate flavored alcohol beverages with friends.

OUR DAY AT KNOTT'S BERRY FARM

i have taken an unexpected break from blogging and it was quite nice. not like i was taking a break in real life but you know a mama's job is never done! but i have been wearing THIS a lot lately... i know, it's okay to be jealous. last week we got year passes to knott's berry farm and took the kids for the first time! we took them on wednesday and niko wasn't having it, he wasn't feeling well and all he wanted was grandma. we got to the parking lot and he cried and kicked and had the biggest tantrum of all time and was just not going to knotts berry farm. we went home, got some medicine and tried again the next day. thrusday was our day, we made it and after showing niko photos and videos i had pumped him up for a fun day at knotts berry farm. as we walked in niko was very attached to me and wanted to be carried but after about two rides, he got the hang of it and started enjoying himself. luna was all about it, and even got mad because she wasn't tall enough for the roller coaster. i don't think luna knows how small she is, she's one brave little girl! you can see the video below which pretty much sums up our visit with the exception that luna cried with so much sadness when we walked away from snoopy after we met him. since we went, we have been playing with our snoopy puzzle and watching happiness is a warm blanket daily! i must say, charlie brown cartoons have beat out tom & jerry on favorite kids cartoons of all time since the dialog is the cutest! good grief!          

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

today was pretty insane. i had so much to do to get ready to go to the lulu's mixer in downtown. i kinda feel bad i didn't celebrate luna's half birthday in a special way but sunday is totally dedicated to her and niko bee. tomorrow i will be at blogher all day and night. im really excited because just going to the lulu's mixer today was an introduction of what this whole blogher business is about. its so cool to meet women with common interests. they're such a breath of fresh air.
anyhow, today's flashback friday photo is my little luna at about two months old. this was her first trip to the beach and like the beach bum that she is, she enjoyed it very much. and i don't want to be a hoarder or anything but i think im keeping this outfit. its special, you know? by the way.. i will post my photo challenge photos tomorrow. keeping up with it has gotten tough, already. what else is new? xoxo Liz

and you know im gonna post the cutest video too! gotta start working on a second video already! 

HAPPY HALF BIRTHDAY LUNA!! <3

MEXICO CITY

to get to Mexico City from Guadalajara, we drove through lots of green fields and beautiful green mountains. The kids did pretty well in the car too. I was the one who had motion sickness. We got to Mexico pretty late at night but getting through the traffic was a whole different story. I thought the L.A. traffic was bad. Man! We stayed at Thark's parents house. It's big with lots of fruit trees. Thark's dad is a biology teacher and owns lots of farm land. I admire what he does. Growing my own fruits and vegetables is one of my life goals :)
We spent the next day hanging at Lili's (the other promoter) neighborhood, La Condesa. La Condesa is so much like New York. The restaurants,shops, buildings and the energy the city gives you. I loved it! Tons of artists of different medias live there. it would be like the Silver Lake to L.A. Tharks, (real name Alex) and his family was so welcoming. he has a beautiful loving family. we also spent the Bicentenario there which is the 200th year of independence from Spain. it was a huge celebration in the downtown streets and i remember because i was stuck in traffic there. i went shopping and coming back was a mess. that night Raoul played at a club, close to Lili's house. About 4-5 blocks away. I heard it was a good night.. maximum capacity.
i could have gotten a babysitter but i didn't want to bug or weird out the kids by leaving them in a random house with a random stranger. i would seriously love to live there, except theres a lot of people. i don't like too much traffic and nowhere to park and loudness. so maybe its not the right city for me, like New York but i do love those cities so much! in fact, since i took this huge (over a year) break from blogging i should just post fun parts of my life that i didn't post before and after Luna. including a birth story. anyways. Raoul's flight got pushed back one more day. i was so sad but can't wait to have him home. the kids and i have missed him every day since he's been gone. hope you're enjoying my Mexico pictures. they're the sweetest memories. xo Liz

Raoul found this instrument at a record store. it gave him joy. 

this place has the best mexican food its in La Condesa, "El Manjar" 

yep, it was raining. 

                              see the security guard ^? thats where Raoul played. its a club. 3 stories. 

my dudes shopping

Vintage Hoe. found treasures here. love the store name. 

Raoul took this picture. I can dig it. 

Niko and Ricardo *Lili's dog*

we took Niko and Ricardo for a walk to the park near by, we watched this band played. it made me really happy and felt so lucky to just be there and have my kids with me and have no care in the world.