A MOMENT OF TRUTH

i haven't been able to blog in maybe over two months? blogging is something i really enjoy doing and for these two months of chaos i have been thinking about it every day. i feel like the blogging world has brought me a sense of community with the lovely people i have met through the world wide web. i am very grateful for this outlet and since i like to be as open as possible i feel obligated to share the reason for my absence.
well if my laptop wouldn't have broken down on me in mexico i would have probably blogged a long time ago but while we were in mexico our whole world turned upside down. our family has never been through a tougher situation than this and at this point i am so very grateful its all over.
while we were in mexico niko got extremely sick after the third day of being there, he was vomiting nonstop and had a high fever at night. the next morning we took him to the doctor and then headed to walmart for his prescriptions. while we were at walmart we bought food, diapers and a cheap stroller since we had forgotten ours back in  san diego. it is not often that my kids get sick and the last time that niko had gotten sick was about two years ago around the time luna was born. niko wasn't speaking and just kept dozing off and had a blank look on his face so obviously i was stressed and already contemplating our return back to the u.s.
once we were going to be rung up i payed for everything except the stroller we were about to buy because raoul was pushing niko in it. i totally forgot about the stroller as i was just dealing with luna in the cart. i payed and while we were two registers away, still in the store, a walmart employee stopped us to ask for a receipt. at that time i realized i hadn't payed for the stroller and apologized and asked to pay. they called the cops and accused us with theft. and took raoul to the police department as he was the one pushing the stroller. we tried to argue with them but they are so corrupt and already have an arrangement going on to split the bail money between everybody involved. mind you this stroller cost about fifteen dollars. they took raoul to the police department and kept him over night. the next day our friends took the two thousand dollars they asked for to release him. instead of releasing him they took him over to an immigration department because he was a u.s. citizen. we thought this was going to be the end of our problem but it was only the beginning. immigration kept raoul for a whole month because he didn't have a tourist visa. a permit we were not aware we needed. during this time luna got extremely sick... we spoke to people daily trying to figure out a way to get our man back. it was such an unfair and unnecessary thing to go through but its the way things happen down there. in that immigration many people from all over the world end up there for different reasons and raoul has many memories of each person he met there.
that whole month that raoul was in there was extremely stressful for me, his family and friends. it was so bad that i will forever be grateful to the people that stood by us along the way. and the people who i expected to be there and weren't... well, i kinda wanna keep them away. some nights i thought about selling everything and going to live with family. other days i was hopeful that he would come home that night. because for a whole month we didn't know how long this ordeal would last. i had been hearing of people being there for only two weeks and some would be in immigration for six years. yeah, YEARS. it's been a month since the mister is back and we are slowly catching up on life. bills and such... along the way i lost my pets. if you knew me personally, you'd know i had a love-hate relationship with our pup Lucky. he was lovable and sweet with the kids, that boy just wanted to be cuddled. but on the other hand he would find a way to escape daily and would try to roam the streets for about twenty minutes, daily! and his complaining would annoy me so much. but at the end of the day he was our pup and i couldn't bring myself to give him away as much as he annoyed me some days. Lucky ran away over a month ago and i wasn't able to find him at the long beach animal shelter and my bunny Diva died in her cage. i feel responsible for both of them and sad that they were also affected by our family troubles.
during that time i also felt relieved that there was two things less to worry about. i know its mean but its the truth. with no money for the necessities i couldn't afford two pets.

so here i am now after all this mess. i feel grateful. i feel cheated. but i also feel human. i don't wish this on anybody but really, things like this happen to people. maybe not exactly in the same order but the heartaches are similar and the strength, love and wisdom gained is also similar. it's a really sad thing to say i could never return to mexico city, i love that place so much. there is so much culture and beautiful experiences to be had there. i love the people so much, so much that it outweighs my hate for their government. i am not a very political outspoken person but in reality i don't believe in my own government very much either. to think that a group of older wealthy men care about regular people like me would be naive and immature. i know that much about politics.

i am trying to get our life back to the  way it used to be before our trip to mexico city. and blogging was a big part of that i think. i feel like now we have a clean slate to work on as a family. and things really are getting better slowly. i just had to post this so i can move on and start from where i left off and not be a big elephant in the room or in this case in my corner of the internet.

again thank you so much to everyone who prayed for us during our difficult time. thank you to the ones who donated and lend us money. without that, i wouldn't have been able to pay rent, buy food and diapers... and even be without electricity. it was like that and worse piling up with our flea infestation after Lucky was left alone in the house for two weeks. the flea problem almost sent me to the nut house. and after all this time i can proudly say, we don't have any more fleas. its gross i know, but i never had to deal with this. fleas are super hard to get rid of at the point it was when i was back from mexico. it was out of control.

lately i have been only keeping up with my instagram. i haven't been checking my emails regularly or facebook.. or even pinterest which i love so much. i have been trying to get out of the house more and meet up with cool mamas in the orange county- los angeles area. beside the love i have for people online i want real life friendships, and also the same for my kids. i want them to learn from different kids, to play and have fun. i want to be a better person as i have learned how generous people can be. during this time i really have learned the meaning of friendship and giving. not just money wise but time and understanding.

thank you to the few people that read this blog too. i have received nothing but love and encouragement from you. and some spam but that's okay. i love you all.

photo taken the last weekend we were in mexico, strolling around looking at amazing vintage stands at a flea market. colonia roma & la condeza are two awesome neighborhoods in mexico city, filled with art, artist, fashion, music, delicious restaurants and there is a strong energy similar to new york city. i almost broke my back baby wearing my two year old and almost lost my mind dealing with tantrums with my three year old but those are things to laugh about now. beside that we got to spend some nice time in the city with our beautiful friends. i did feel guilty enjoying some time in the city but i felt it wasn't fair to the kids to just be at home. the kids were well at this point and they needed good memories from this trip. so out we went.